Last Tuesday night, the boys and I sat waiting in the car in the Home Depot parking lot while Jim “quickly” ran in to return something. Of course the radio was on. It’s rare that I turn it off with three Christian radio stations to choose from (such a luxury after living in bush Alaska for seven years!). Usually one of the stations is playing something good.
When the quick errand turned into not-so-quick, with nothing else to do, I perused my phone checking Facebook while the boys watched a movie in the back. (Random rant: Since buying a car with a DVD player in the back, surprisingly Jim is the pushover when it comes to movies. Once in awhile I relent and let them watch something. Usually I’m the strict mom who thinks that since I grew up having to look out the car window and ponder life, so should my kids.)
Seeing something on Facebook that would interest my mom, I texted her to see if she was still awake. Both Jim’s parents and my parents are night owls. Even with the four hour time difference, I can usually get a hold of my mom at 8pm my time which is midnight her time. Tonight was no exception. As I was texting with my mom, the words from a song on the radio caught my attention.
“You tell me I am loved.
I am known.
That you died for me.
I am not alone.”
I was supposed to be dialing my mom since we had decided to talk. But for a long moment, my phone sat ignored as I was completely captured by the words.
Chills came over me.
“You tell me
That I am loved.
That I’m your child,
the one your heart beats for.”
Before that last line had even ended, my heart immediately questioned, “Does Your heart really beat for me, God?”
At that exact moment, I looked up and saw a mom carrying her little girl in her arms, hugging her daughter to her, walking across the parking lot towards the store.
I had my answer in the form of a question. I felt the Holy Spirit asking, “Does your heart beat for Brennan and Dawson?”
I was reminded of a thought God has been repeating a lot the over the past year: “The way you love your children is only a glimpse of the kind of love I have for you.”
For years, depression stood in the way of hearing God’s voice speaking His love to me, over me. Now, I hear it at random times–like an ordinary Tuesday evening sitting in a Home Depot parking lot.