Not long ago, I wrote this letter my future self for when PMDD would strike again:
Dear Depressed Me,
I know if you are reading this, you are in that place again. And I’m writing because when you are in that place, you feel like it will last forever. At this very moment you might be thinking that you will “always feel this way.” So, I’m here to tell you, on this particular day that I’m writing, you are having a really good day. And you will have more. Today, my heart is light and even happy. In fact, there’s been many good days recently.
Today, I made waffles after church. I laughed with Jim in bed before getting out of bed to face the day. I enjoyed church. Dawson leaned against my arm during church and whispered, “I feel so loved”, when I slid over to sit closer to him since Brennan wasn’t using his seat. I tuned my ear in to hear Dawson sing the worship songs during church. I had a positive interaction with our neighbors while standing in our driveway after church. Jim and I prayed together for friends who are going through a tough time in their marriage.
So, I just thought it might be good to hear, when you are only hearing in your mind how bad it is, that there is good in life. That Jesus loves you so much and that you are incredibly precious to Him. That He has redeemed so many things in your life and made you a much healthier person. That He’s been there all along even when it didn’t feel like it. Yeah, today stinks and every moment feels long but it is one day in light of eternity. Do what you can to get through today. Breathe. Take a walk. Read a good book. Journal. Do something different to snap out of it. Do anything different. Go to Walmart, for goodness sake.
You are worth fighting for. And I know you have a lot of fight left in you. Be brave and call a friend. Risk the pity. Let someone in. Let someone pray for you.
Or just be still and rest in the reality that there is a God in heaven on His throne. And pain will not last forever.
Your Not Depressed Self